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My Big Fat Gay Ego

The human mind is a beautiful and complicated thing.  Freud divided it into three individual parts – the id, the ego, and the superego.  Splitting the mind into these three pieces makes it easier for us to discuss how it all works.

Everyone’s journey is unique, and each of us has our individual personality. We’re all different, but we do have a lot in common. Each of us is born with some instinct and some pre-programmed function. This instinctive part of the mind is called the id. It’s responsible for basic needs like wanting to eat or to fuck. The id is what’s driving you when you look at someone else’s food and have a strong desire to bite it. The id can be destructive and childish. It’s not concerned with consequences – it’s all about immediate action and self-gratification.

The superego is the part of our mind that’s shaped by our environment and our real life experiences. It‘s the part of your mind that drives you to do better, to be the best possible son, student or employee. It is your superego that pushes you to excel. Your superego makes you feel guilty when you behave like an average human and fall short of its super expectations.

Then we have the ego – the truest you, the part of your mind that is what you might call your personality. It’s stuck in the middle between the destructive id and the pure superego. You are negotiating between basic needs and society. Much like the cartoon character debating with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, the ego is the soul in the middle. Sometimes we listen to the angel – sometimes we side with the devil.

There will be times in your journey when you are more ruled by your id and tend to be more selfish. Instinct can take over when playing a very physical sport or even during sex. You might let your id drive you when you’re fooling around, and your partner might enjoy this side of you in the bedroom.

At other times, your superego might be in charge when you go on a strict diet or force yourself to study extra hard. If the outcome is for a good cause, like improving your education or collecting money for charity, then your superego is satisfied. Attending religious ceremonies, doing yoga, or finding time to recycle, can all help to feed your superego.

The Gay Ego

You probably grew up in a culture that was mostly heterosexual. The school system and the parenting surrounding you was part of the heterosexual story. Many of us were raised to think boys grow up to marry girls and make babies. Your id was telling you to eat and to fuck, but it was telling you to fuck men not women.

A heterosexual environment shaped your superego too. It’s telling you to be a good guy, get married and be the world’s best husband. Your ego in the middle needs to make peace with your id. You need to accept that you can’t eat and fuck everything. You also need to make peace with your superego and find acceptance of your gay nature.

This process of self-discovery and understanding can take a lifetime. Figuring out who you are is all part of becoming an adult. It can be hard and even frightening, but we all go through it. Finding harmony within ourselves is a big challenge. Knowing that we’re all trying to tame our inner demons and feed our souls makes the process a little easier.