10 Things You See At Every Pride
If you’re going to Pride this year, or if you’ve already been, you’ve probably seen your share of rainbow flags, hot pants and guys dressed as puppies. But we bet we can guess ten other things you’re sure to see at every Pride too. Because wherever you are in the world, some things are just universal…
A guy wearing wings
Angel wings, butterfly wings or giant dragon wings that take up so much space no one can go within ten metres of them. It’s a certainty that whichever Pride you go to, you will see people wearing wings. Why? It’s hard to say. But if you’re wearing a lot of fetish gear, a cute pair of wings makes for a nice contrast, allowing you to be kinky and angelic all at the same time…
A guy wearing so much leather that you wonder how he hasn’t passed out
Wherever you are in the world, Pride nearly always takes place in the summer. This is great for many reasons — sun + shirtless guys = a great time for everyone — but spare a thought for the leather and rubber community. These guys squeeze themselves into their best outfits, covering every bit of skin they have with heavy jackets and skintight pants, and then go parading through the streets. So next time you’re feeling a little warm in your booty shorts and tank top, remember there are guys feeling the heat much worse than you, all in the name of leather.
Someone using a pride flag to shield themselves from the rain
Because even though Pride takes place in the summer, you can’t guarantee the weather. If you go to Pride often, it’s inevitable that sooner or later you’ll end up caught in the rain. While some people will have packed umbrellas, most guys will have nothing but their rainbow flag for shelter. You’ll see them stepping over puddles, their heads down, their flag turned into a makeshift hood, even though most flags aren’t even a tiny bit waterproof. The lesson here is to always bring an umbrella – you’re sure to make a few new friends once the rain starts.
A dog with an agenda
Everyone loves dogs. Literally everyone in the world. At every Pride, you’re sure to see at least a handful of dogs, taking part in the parade or watching from the sidelines, even though they have no idea what’s going on. But some dog owners take it upon themselves to make customized outfits for their furry friends or cover them into pro-Pride slogans. These dogs still have no idea what’s going on, but draped in their Pride flags and wearing their rainbow collars, all the other dogs will think they do.
A shirtless guy with a water pistol
Whether it’s raining, snowing or the middle of a hurricane, you can be sure there will be a group of guys with water pistols, spraying the crowds as they pass by from the safety of their float. And who knows what they’re spraying? Sure, we’d like to believe it’s water, but who can really say? Our advice — when he reaches for his SuperSoaker, keep your mouth closed.
Guys who will make you feel bad about your body
Gym bunnies love to get their guns, abs, pecs and pretty much everything else out at Pride. And why shouldn’t they? They worked hard all year for this moment and they’re not going to cover up their Adonis bodies at the biggest LGBT event of the year. Sadly for us mere mortals, this means we might feel a little down about our own bodies. But remember that Pride is for everyone, regardless of your body type, and you don’t have to have a six pack and nipples the size of saucers to show some skin.
Confused straight people
Ah, straight people. We all know a straight person. You probably have a straight neighbour or a straight colleague, probably even some straight family members. Remember these people during Pride, when the straight folk are at their most vulnerable, feeling confused by the array of colour, the amount of skin on show and the lack of flannel shirts. Reach out to a straight person this Pride — you might make a friend for life.
A drag queen that makes you think maybe you should become a drag queen too
But then you’ll remember that the average drag queen will spend hours contouring their face, applying layer after layer of make-up and squeezing into a wig that will add roughly half a metre to their height. It will seem like a good idea after a few beers, but once you sober up, you’ll probably realise that you’re better off in your crop top and body glitter. It’s just less hassle.
A guy with a beard and no shirt on a bike, with a younger guy on the back
If you’re playing Pride eye-spy, this is definitely one to look out for. These guys tend to move in packs, so you’ll be alerted to their presence by the revving of motorbikes and a creeping cloud of exhaust fumes. Look out for the bikes with two riders, a driver and a hanger-on. The driver will likely be an older guy who will almost definitely have a beard, while the guy on the back will be baby-faced and considerably younger. But if you spot a guy with no one to ride with, maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll offer you a ride — it’s the best way to travel, after all.
A man in sunglasses licking some candy shaped like a dick
People love sweets when they’re shaped like dicks, don’t they? But while it’s normally not socially acceptable to walk around parks or supermarkets sucking on a gummy dick, there will be no one judging you at Pride. So now’s the time to buy your candy genitalia in bulk. Sugar-coated assholes, caramel ball sacks, toffee bellends – no one will bat an eye at Pride.